Missing Him

A month prior I was sprinting through the airport, praying I didn't miss my flight home.  That IHOP with my sister was good, but I was now questioning was it worth me galloping to my gate like a wild horse.

And I'm embarrassingly out of shape.

Gate attendant: Are you Milton?
Me breathlessly: Yes
Gate Attendant: Where's Scott?
Me: He's not coming...

As I boarded the plane alone, I realized this would literally be the first time in his entire life we'd be apart for an entire summer.

Like allllll the way, away..................15 plus hours.

As I snapped back into the present, the announcement was made to place all phones on airplane mode. I fastened my seatbelt, laid my head against the window, sleep was calling my name.

Then it happened.

Unbeknownst to him, a guy sat in the seat designated for Bennie.

I felt my eyes well up with tears.

I purposely never cancelled his flight, a part of me was hoping he'd be back with me by now.

I don't  know who I was kidding, he was having the time of his life with his dad.  Even if he was doing nothing at all, the fact that he was finally able to spend time with his dad meant the world to him.

And no matter how much I missed him, or how much anyone else did ( because Lord knows everyone has been asking about him)....

I had to let him be great.

He needed it.

It didn't stop me from crying though. No matter how much I wiped my eyes with the sleeves of my mustard cardigan, I felt the ugly cry surfacing.

I gulped my sadness, turned my head towards the window, and sank into an invisible safe space. 

Then I started snottin LOL

You know when you try to cry quietly, then you start sniffing, but your nose starts dripping????

Yea...that was me.

That man didn't do anything to me, except sit in my baby seat. I would've been ok, if that seat remained empty.

Or would I????

Was I experiencing separation anxiety?

I mean I'd just witness the most beautiful union of two people I adore, on a romantic private beach, laughing and making up for lost time with old friends, enjoying time away with my babe, and my heart just ached for my son.

I had a great time, I really did.

I know that a part of great parenting, is letting your children flourish in as healthy of a way as possible. In the long run, keeping him all to myself would have been selfish, and would have hurt him more than it did me. As a parent sometimes you have to consider everything that is in your children best interest. Even if that means sending them away for the summer.

I am looking forward to him coming back. I want to see how big his feet have grown, hear all the stories about meeting some of his dads side of the family for the first time, and anything else he cares to share with me.

I also can't wait for him to get back to swap corny jokes with him, and catch up on any movies he may not have seen.

I'd finally got my life together and managed to stop crying, the wheels were up, my sunglasses were on and I drifted off to sleep.....

Until the flight attendant came through with the snacks, you know I had to get some of those cinnamon cookies!

Chile they are EVERYTHING, and being complimentary is always a nice perk.

We managed to make our connecting flight and it happened again.

This time it was a woman.

I teared up slightly but I managed to collect myself and remember that it was only temporary.

As much as I missed him, he needed to be with his dad, and I needed to learn to realize there'd be more moments like this.

We landed, grabbed our luggage, and headed to the exit, to wait on our Uber. Not knowing a minor tsunami had touched down, gusts of wind blew the rain inside of the airport and the first thing I thought about was my hair.

I was back to normal.

I'd call him when I get home, like I do every day. I gotta remind him to do his prep work for 5th grade, make sure he's wearing clean underwear, and saying his prayers.

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."




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